Dear Beer,

It has been a long time coming and I have been trying to postpone the inevitable.  Our long-standing relationship, with all of its stability and security, simply must come to an end.  It is with a heavy heart that I have reached this conclusion: that our time together has long over-run its natural course.

There have been many a fun time over the last twenty years or so (really, has it been so long?) and I shall miss our get-togethers as the sun goes down.  There have been, on occasion, the odd time where I felt you let me down, which in turn resulted in letting myself down.  It is one thing to be the Mistress of Mirth with your assistance, quite another to be Queen Obnoxious.  Luckily, we didn’t cross that line too often.  That being said, perhaps once would have been more than enough.

You aided my skills at the side of the pool table; you even allowed me to get the odd bullseye at the darts board. But those were the early days – when boys were easily impressed by the skinny girl who could still stand upright after a good number of pints.

Oh, Amber Nectar, you could almost convince me we could carry on our long-term arrangement.  You were never sickly sweet.  You never sugar-coated anything and I appreciate that immensely.  We had such a good thing going – you were such refreshing company, especially when I moved from the colder climes of Scotland to the scorching African heat.  That cold, crisp attitude of yours really rocked my world.  Talking of rocks, by befriending you – you helped me gain kudos in the Geological world, where your networking skills were legendary.   With hindsight, it may have even been considered a pre-requisite to have been on your team, your presence was the key that unlocked the door to the entire fraternity.  How could I have survived without you?!

You are probably wondering what it is you have done that is so wrong to cause this break-up of ours.  I’m afraid to admit that there is a third-party involved.  No, not the usual suspect, wine – but worse: middle-age spread.  It’s true; I’m afraid that you’re causing me to carry around a little too much excess baggage wherever I go.  It pains me to say that, greatly.  The truth is that I can no longer keep this external affair under wraps any longer.  I’ve long since dropped all the other gassy so-and-sos.  I’ve held on to you for as long as I could, but now the time really has come to say farewell.

I’d like to think that we could still be friends.  We’ve travelled so far together, after all.  Even the lands where I have not yet set foot, you have given me a taste of what to expect.  I know that when I do eventually get there, you will be there to welcome me as though I was home away from home.

I know that, should we meet again in foreign lands, I will be tempted to rekindle something.  There is something strangely exotic about you when present yourself differently like that.  I suspect I will flirt with you, but I will ultimately have to stay away from you before anything more serious can develop.  I hope that you will understand.

It has been really difficult for me to write this.  I am already missing your comforting tones.  It is scorching outside and mere water just cannot compare.

So, my dearest friend and ally, I bid you Adieu… Until we meet again.